For a while now I have been finding myself pushing the boundaries. When I say for a while, I mean most of my life!

I am in constant reflection or analytical state where I am able to ask myself questions frequently about my actions, feelings and emotions.

This is a large part of why I have been able to grow and find an underlying level of happiness and satisfaction, even within the dissatisfaction.

Many of you may question how anyone can be satisfied when dissatisfied and yes, this is a complete contradiction but with an understanding of how we work as individuals, what makes us tick and how we feel the way we do comes a level of acceptance for contradiction. We are complicated creatures when all said and done.

In reflection, we have time to establish why we do the things we do. This is like opening a can of worms where we find ourselves unravelling our entire story. A lot of people stop unravelling when faced with areas of their story they are not so happy about but then you have people who will keep going, acknowledge and improve where possible. In time, we find the answers are all there if we keep questioning and opening all the boxes. The key is to be true and keep it real.

It takes a lot of energy to question your motives or actions and then find answers. It takes even more energy to then come to terms with the fact that we may not be liking our findings or realise that certain changes would benefit us but a tremendous amount of energy to actually adapt certain changes. A lot of the time it will feel like negative energy and can be mood altering when we delve too deep as ‘being aware’ is such a conscious effort in the beginning of ones journey into reflection; acknowledging faults can stir up many emotions, most of which we do not naturally welcome. It is within our protective nature to feel an instant dismissal of any criticism of ourselves, especially if we have an optimistic outlook.

There are four types of ways we deal with situations in life:


This is when we reflect, we see the issues or the reasons we have come to a stumbling block and we go into denial and pretend it doesn’t exist, or worse still, we find justification. This is a powerful form of handling emotions. Some may say it is not handling anything at all. When in denial, we choose to ignore reason and believe whatever story we tell ourselves in that moment or more than often, nothing has been addressed and we think we will visit it at a later date. Some do but many don’t and instead harbor the negative energy.


To compartmentalise, we choose to box off the problem, maybe with the intention of re-visiting it at a later date; similar to denial. Some are fortunate to have the ability to answer the necessary and complete the process by storing the situation/issue or story somewhere in your mind; completely dealt with and with no fear of re-opening and addressing again at any time. No negative energy stored when boxed off correctly.

To compartmentalise correctly means we have a greater capability of dealing with other parts of our journey without it tipping us over the edge when it doesn’t go quite as planned. Let’s face it, the journey will always give us the odd surprise to keep us all awake.


Many people react to a situation without any thought at all. When we react, we often have a confidence in our actions and at the time a great belief in what we feel is right. Whether that is a reaction to a person for doing what we believe to be wrong, or a reaction to ourselves for a feeling we have. Many people may react to a situation in their lives in hast and make bold statements or rash decisions.



To reflect takes control and time. We may reflect for different lengths of times and come to conclusions over a long period of time or even in an instant once we have an understanding of ourselves.

Reflection occurs quicker in people who have a greater understanding of themselves and are aware of their processes. This usually follows many years of reflecting on reactions, others reactions or no reaction at all.

This awareness helps us overcome many situations and gives us the ability to make clearer decisions which ultimately will benefit us.


We get used to dealing with situations in the same way that we always have done and sometimes believe that we are the way we are and change is not necessary but we should test other methods and explore other avenues if we are looking to improve in any way; whether that be in relationships, your work or in the everyday things you do. We are not static.

Why put such mental conditions on ourselves, we can adapt, alter and make as many changes to our personality, situation or characteristics as we choose. You can become the person you would like to be without pressure of other people or our own restrictions. It’s a conscious effort for many in the beginning but we naturally adapt the traits we practice repeatedly.

I found myself conditioning myself on silly little things, like walking over three drains; Just a superstitious thing that I was told at school when I was thirteen. This didn’t have an effect on my life but once it had been pointed out to me by my father only a year ago that I have spent far too much energy avoiding drains over the course of my life (no matter how little energy we feel it takes, the bottom line is, it’s wasted) along with the fact, that so much tragedy has already taken place, did I still feel it was good luck to avoid them after 20 years of it? I decided there and then to stop.

Wow, it felt good. Something so small and meaningless to anyone else but the feeling of not restricting myself and following rules I had put there myself, was quite a good feeling.

It’s the same with much more important conditions we put on ourselves, like not applying for that job, telling ourselves that we are useless at certain things so there is no point in training or learning and putting limits on our capabilities but all you need to do, is tell yourself otherwise and then follow up on it.

Like with anything, the adjusting period takes time but this can make you realise even more, how some things in life are purely habitual and can actually become a hindrance to your moving forward. It’s not until we ask the questions, find the answers and make the changes that we become aware of how we have been holding ourselves back!