Where do you actually get to talk?
I mean really ‘Talk’
Talk about you and everything that surrounds you.
There’s talking and then there is really talking, you know, not the type where you speak a lot of words in someone’s direction and then they give the appropriate nods and ‘yehs’ at the right moment when you give them a space to, or when you give them immediate eye contact with an expression that indicates you are happy for a response now.
Even when you think someone is listening, unless they are taught how to listen correctly or have a natural ability to dedicate that time to you without comparison, then rarely are you being truly listened to.
Studies show that most people switch off between 2-11 seconds of being spoken to. They then re-engage when they hear a word or sentence that stimulates them again. This is an ongoing cycle through any conversation; the same as comparisons. More often than not, the person you are speaking to is listening to your words but listening more to themselves while they think about what they are going to say at the very next opportunity.
When did you last hear someone describe their holiday to you without picturing yourself on those white sands you were stood on only one month ago? Or listen to someone explaining how they were treated by their ex, without feeling that you know exactly what they have been through because of your experience with your ex?
When someone just wants to be listened to, it can be very frustrating but we feel it really helps and that it proves we understand. As a listener, we should not always want to prove, unless someone is directly asking for advice. If someone is asking for advice, they probably already know that you are able to relate through all the stories they have listened to.
Comparing is normal in any conversation; it aids us in giving advice, empathising and showing compassion but people sometimes just need to speak and be listened to. Not judged or interrupted, not compared or worse still, misunderstood.
When we actually listen properly, we realise that the person doing the talking quite often means something entirely different to what they are actually saying. Interpretation of language for example, is a major cause for misunderstanding. Just the little things can often change drastically when we ask questions and break down what someone is saying, rather than presume or compare stories. This is part of how to truly listen.
Now think about it, where do you really get to talk?
Not many people experience being able to openly talk and delve deeper into their own meaning of what they are saying and come up with their own ideas based on their feelings and hurdles and not someone else’s.
This is what I do…
I listen! You ‘TALK’
Not just listen to someone ramble on but a structured way of talking that is led, for the result that you choose.
You may not have a result or even know what you want to talk about but coaching is different to counselling or therapy. You don’t need to know, we don’t need to dig up the past… unless you want to! We just focus on where you are now and where you would like to be.
I take you on a journey, a journey that you would not have experienced before if you have never had coaching.
This journey is about you. All about you. You get to talk like never before, share ideas and be led with a line of questioning where your own answers will unfold your path.
It’s a freedom where everything blossoms